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Observations of life through the eyes of a no name artist.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
So I haven't written an entry in a while because I've decided to switch to Live Journal for a while. That may get old as well, but for now go here-
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ileacollection/
Enjoy!
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ileacollection/
Enjoy!
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Its interesting to read this old rant of mine because I'm no longer the person I describe myself as. I act much more depressed these days than I used to and yes have had suicidal thoughts, but the beliefs I have about my friends and suicide in this document still ring true. Its strange to be on the other side of the coin for a while, but I know I'm learning something from it.
Here's the thought of the day!
I was talking to Jon the other day and he thought that it was weird that I was so excited to see Jason back. I realized something when he said that. People don't realize how important my friends (and other random people) are to me. I realize I really only show people one emotion, happiness, they never see love or sadness. I told you I only cry in my room, well I also never use love in my vocabulary. I guess I am either afraid to show it, or feel I should never toss the word around carelessly. That way if I ever do say it, it means more. You know what I mean, right?
Well anyway, I truly love my friends, you know in a way you love your family. That's why it is so wonderful to see them. I guess Jon didn't realize that if he was gone for 3 weeks I would feel the same for him. Every person I encounter inspires me to do something, people I hate remind me never to be like them and people I like inspire me positively. I truly can say people like Alex, Peter, Jon, Jason, Mai-Linh, and Brian have changed my life (for the better of course). Because though we may never understand our influential power, we have it and use it all the time.
Sometimes that's why I can't ever understand suicide. People see their lives as hopeless, meaningless, empty. If only they knew.....If only they knew that just by encountering them they change my life. Every special moment shared adds up. Other peoples live are so much more important to others than
themselves. I think somewhere deep inside we live for each other. Which may seem bad, but then others live for us, and then inevitably, we are never alone. Our lives are interconnected even if they are drastically
different and well...We need each other. When someone tries to break that web by killing themselves, they destroy it. I don't think they ever intend that, but if only they understood that they could with one false move.
There was this girl Shannon, she was my friend in 6th grade and swiftly through middle school we grew apart. She became popular and I didn't. I was not angry, because I saw who she really was and admired it. I still remember her knee high socks that had red and white stripes. I am still looking for a pair of my own. Anyway, I was invited to her party in 7th grade. I was of course excited, everyone was going to be their including my nerdy self. The party was fun, everyone was having a good time, except for Shannon. Once I found her (I thought it was odd that she was not around) she was under a table, just sitting there. I joined her silently, I wanted to tell her she inspired my fashion and that she was wonderful, but people never believe that when you tell them. So, I sat there quietly with her for a few minutes, it was the only kind gesture I could think of. I found it odd no one noticed her depression, I thought it was obvious. Later that year, she overdosed intentionally. When I was at school they told us she had died, I was sitting across from her best friend. I watched him crumple down on his desk. I was just in shock, I always wondered if I should have said something. Maybe its good to tell people how important they are even if they don't believe you, maybe at their final hour they will and be at peace. If only she knew...
Tomorrow's preview....Colorful memories....
Here's the thought of the day!
I was talking to Jon the other day and he thought that it was weird that I was so excited to see Jason back. I realized something when he said that. People don't realize how important my friends (and other random people) are to me. I realize I really only show people one emotion, happiness, they never see love or sadness. I told you I only cry in my room, well I also never use love in my vocabulary. I guess I am either afraid to show it, or feel I should never toss the word around carelessly. That way if I ever do say it, it means more. You know what I mean, right?
Well anyway, I truly love my friends, you know in a way you love your family. That's why it is so wonderful to see them. I guess Jon didn't realize that if he was gone for 3 weeks I would feel the same for him. Every person I encounter inspires me to do something, people I hate remind me never to be like them and people I like inspire me positively. I truly can say people like Alex, Peter, Jon, Jason, Mai-Linh, and Brian have changed my life (for the better of course). Because though we may never understand our influential power, we have it and use it all the time.
Sometimes that's why I can't ever understand suicide. People see their lives as hopeless, meaningless, empty. If only they knew.....If only they knew that just by encountering them they change my life. Every special moment shared adds up. Other peoples live are so much more important to others than
themselves. I think somewhere deep inside we live for each other. Which may seem bad, but then others live for us, and then inevitably, we are never alone. Our lives are interconnected even if they are drastically
different and well...We need each other. When someone tries to break that web by killing themselves, they destroy it. I don't think they ever intend that, but if only they understood that they could with one false move.
There was this girl Shannon, she was my friend in 6th grade and swiftly through middle school we grew apart. She became popular and I didn't. I was not angry, because I saw who she really was and admired it. I still remember her knee high socks that had red and white stripes. I am still looking for a pair of my own. Anyway, I was invited to her party in 7th grade. I was of course excited, everyone was going to be their including my nerdy self. The party was fun, everyone was having a good time, except for Shannon. Once I found her (I thought it was odd that she was not around) she was under a table, just sitting there. I joined her silently, I wanted to tell her she inspired my fashion and that she was wonderful, but people never believe that when you tell them. So, I sat there quietly with her for a few minutes, it was the only kind gesture I could think of. I found it odd no one noticed her depression, I thought it was obvious. Later that year, she overdosed intentionally. When I was at school they told us she had died, I was sitting across from her best friend. I watched him crumple down on his desk. I was just in shock, I always wondered if I should have said something. Maybe its good to tell people how important they are even if they don't believe you, maybe at their final hour they will and be at peace. If only she knew...
Tomorrow's preview....Colorful memories....
Monday, March 08, 2004
Ok, so this one talks about me being a teenager, and I'm not anymore but this all still pretty much applies.
Ready for my Thought of the DAY!
There are two kinds of books you can always get free: Christen books and romance novels. The difference between the two is that romance novels are in such high quantity compared to other books. Every time I go to the library there are at least 30 romance novels in that little section where they sell books. Sometimes they come in hugh baskets and are sold for no more than a dime. Sometimes twenty five cents, but its nothing compared to the amount of paper you get. And not only that, if you search the internet you can
always find a site willing to give those things away. About a week ago I filled out a dumb survey and got two of my own free novels (plus shipping was free), I thought gee what a deal. And then I thought, why are there so many of these damn things? Maybe they are so bad that I could not get myself through one.
Strangely enough, I did quite the opposite.
I finish one of those 200 page novels in one day( I was up until 11:00 trying to finish it). And It was not because I was bored, I mean I had Jurassic Park in arms length the whole time. The book really did keep my attention, and then I realized why. Romance novels work on pure emotion. There is no plot, no character development (except for the lead guy), no deep meaning, message, or lesson. Its just emotion. It went from exploring fear, to joy, to hatred, to passion(quite a bit of this one), and back around in an endless loop. I was captivated by how the character felt, and put myself with their emotions. I especially like the emotions I had never felt and had to imagine myself with them. I know that if I ever felt like the main character, I would never act as she did, but it gave a basis for my own fantasy. Many sections, as
I said, cover passion, which in reality does not exist as much as it does in books. And in all honesty, being a teenager and all, that was the part I liked the most. If people knew what I was thinking when I read those parts they would surely blush, good thing most of that was at 10:30 at night.
After finishing one, I wondered why guys never read romance novels, I mean it took more imagination then a copy of playboy. The book I read would have pleased any sick mind, male or female. I figure we ought to put all thosenovels just sitting in piles to good use. Why not have the guys read them!
Anyway back to my point on quantity. I see two reasons so many novels exist. One, for people like me who finished one in a day, and there are like 364 other days of the year to fill. In my case, even a library discount rack would not have enough for me. Two, those things are so easy to make. Heck I could write a romance novel. Why? Because we all have emotions, dreams, desires, and so on. We don't however all have intelligence, that why there is only one Isaac Asimov and one Michael Creighton. But there are 400
different Diana Palmers and Daniel Steels.
Large quanities means low price, and that is why you can have your own piece of romance for only ten cents.
Tomorrows preview....If only people knew.....
Ready for my Thought of the DAY!
There are two kinds of books you can always get free: Christen books and romance novels. The difference between the two is that romance novels are in such high quantity compared to other books. Every time I go to the library there are at least 30 romance novels in that little section where they sell books. Sometimes they come in hugh baskets and are sold for no more than a dime. Sometimes twenty five cents, but its nothing compared to the amount of paper you get. And not only that, if you search the internet you can
always find a site willing to give those things away. About a week ago I filled out a dumb survey and got two of my own free novels (plus shipping was free), I thought gee what a deal. And then I thought, why are there so many of these damn things? Maybe they are so bad that I could not get myself through one.
Strangely enough, I did quite the opposite.
I finish one of those 200 page novels in one day( I was up until 11:00 trying to finish it). And It was not because I was bored, I mean I had Jurassic Park in arms length the whole time. The book really did keep my attention, and then I realized why. Romance novels work on pure emotion. There is no plot, no character development (except for the lead guy), no deep meaning, message, or lesson. Its just emotion. It went from exploring fear, to joy, to hatred, to passion(quite a bit of this one), and back around in an endless loop. I was captivated by how the character felt, and put myself with their emotions. I especially like the emotions I had never felt and had to imagine myself with them. I know that if I ever felt like the main character, I would never act as she did, but it gave a basis for my own fantasy. Many sections, as
I said, cover passion, which in reality does not exist as much as it does in books. And in all honesty, being a teenager and all, that was the part I liked the most. If people knew what I was thinking when I read those parts they would surely blush, good thing most of that was at 10:30 at night.
After finishing one, I wondered why guys never read romance novels, I mean it took more imagination then a copy of playboy. The book I read would have pleased any sick mind, male or female. I figure we ought to put all thosenovels just sitting in piles to good use. Why not have the guys read them!
Anyway back to my point on quantity. I see two reasons so many novels exist. One, for people like me who finished one in a day, and there are like 364 other days of the year to fill. In my case, even a library discount rack would not have enough for me. Two, those things are so easy to make. Heck I could write a romance novel. Why? Because we all have emotions, dreams, desires, and so on. We don't however all have intelligence, that why there is only one Isaac Asimov and one Michael Creighton. But there are 400
different Diana Palmers and Daniel Steels.
Large quanities means low price, and that is why you can have your own piece of romance for only ten cents.
Tomorrows preview....If only people knew.....
Saturday, March 06, 2004
This rant is almost obsolete with the addition of cell phones. For many people these days a cell phone takes the place of a watch.
Hello and welcome to another addition of thought of the Day!:),
Whats the first thing you notice when you see people? Their clothes? Their shoes? Their hair? Well one that most fail to notice is a person's watch. I say it deserves more attention then it gets.. . .
A watch is a window to a person's soul for many reasons. First watches aren't cheap, so people tend to be more critical in finding the right one. Second its hard not to buy things like clothes and have them be uniquely different from other peoples, but watches are so diverse that usually you don't see one exactly like yours. And thirdly, well I can't think of a third reason.
Lets now take a look at different watch styles and how they reflect personality traits. First off, you have heard of the classic type A and type B people. This first classifies as watch owners and none watch owners.Type A people are stressed, hurried, and high energy. Type b are slow, patient, and easy going. Most people that are type A own a watch. Why? Because time is an important part of their lives. Type B has no interest in how many working hours are left in a day so a watch is pointless. The second distinction is digital verses analog. People with digital watches accept technology and the information age. Analog is for people who are old fashion or fear technology. Some people just trust the little hands spinning in the center of the face.
Now lets venture to different styles.
1. A gold or silver watch- People with these watches spent a fortune or at least want others to believe they spent a fortune. A watch is nothing more than another piece of jewelry. These people typically stress vanity in their lives more than other qualities.
2. Brightly colored kids watch- Any adult wearing a Winnie the pooh watch or a
power rangers is probably nuts or just a kid at heart. They are easy going and have a very broad and open sense of humor. If they were so narrow minded
would they really be caught dead wearing strawberry shortcake around their
wrist??
3. Calculator watch- Hehe, I know a lot of these people. They are so in love
with how many cool gadgets they can stuff on one small black square. These people treat fashion like their computers and if it doesn't have lots of buttons its just not worth it. And of course the "nerds" who own these are rather competitive about their toys. They can brag for hours about how their watch can save phone numbers, solve math problem, time them while they solve math problems, and take the current temperature, all while under 100 feet of water.
4. Fad watches- Any "cool" person has a fad watch. You know the metallic purple ones or maybe its a necklace or a ring. Hey it even clips to your backpack. And if of course it comes in three yummy favors. These people are obsessed with what people think and will get anything that matches the latest trends.
5. Leather band watch- This is your basic executive workoholic watch. Its sturdy reliable yet not too noticeable and looks clean. These people are pretty straight laced, have dry humor, and live for their jobs.
7. Velcro Watch- A velcro watch is for the no nonsense person who needs the
time but would rather not spend money on any of the above. They find really
bargain watches at five dollars a pop and are completely satisfied.
Hmm I think I think a bit too much, do you agree?
Tomorrow's preview ..Romance novels will sink the planet....
Hello and welcome to another addition of thought of the Day!:),
Whats the first thing you notice when you see people? Their clothes? Their shoes? Their hair? Well one that most fail to notice is a person's watch. I say it deserves more attention then it gets.. . .
A watch is a window to a person's soul for many reasons. First watches aren't cheap, so people tend to be more critical in finding the right one. Second its hard not to buy things like clothes and have them be uniquely different from other peoples, but watches are so diverse that usually you don't see one exactly like yours. And thirdly, well I can't think of a third reason.
Lets now take a look at different watch styles and how they reflect personality traits. First off, you have heard of the classic type A and type B people. This first classifies as watch owners and none watch owners.Type A people are stressed, hurried, and high energy. Type b are slow, patient, and easy going. Most people that are type A own a watch. Why? Because time is an important part of their lives. Type B has no interest in how many working hours are left in a day so a watch is pointless. The second distinction is digital verses analog. People with digital watches accept technology and the information age. Analog is for people who are old fashion or fear technology. Some people just trust the little hands spinning in the center of the face.
Now lets venture to different styles.
1. A gold or silver watch- People with these watches spent a fortune or at least want others to believe they spent a fortune. A watch is nothing more than another piece of jewelry. These people typically stress vanity in their lives more than other qualities.
2. Brightly colored kids watch- Any adult wearing a Winnie the pooh watch or a
power rangers is probably nuts or just a kid at heart. They are easy going and have a very broad and open sense of humor. If they were so narrow minded
would they really be caught dead wearing strawberry shortcake around their
wrist??
3. Calculator watch- Hehe, I know a lot of these people. They are so in love
with how many cool gadgets they can stuff on one small black square. These people treat fashion like their computers and if it doesn't have lots of buttons its just not worth it. And of course the "nerds" who own these are rather competitive about their toys. They can brag for hours about how their watch can save phone numbers, solve math problem, time them while they solve math problems, and take the current temperature, all while under 100 feet of water.
4. Fad watches- Any "cool" person has a fad watch. You know the metallic purple ones or maybe its a necklace or a ring. Hey it even clips to your backpack. And if of course it comes in three yummy favors. These people are obsessed with what people think and will get anything that matches the latest trends.
5. Leather band watch- This is your basic executive workoholic watch. Its sturdy reliable yet not too noticeable and looks clean. These people are pretty straight laced, have dry humor, and live for their jobs.
7. Velcro Watch- A velcro watch is for the no nonsense person who needs the
time but would rather not spend money on any of the above. They find really
bargain watches at five dollars a pop and are completely satisfied.
Hmm I think I think a bit too much, do you agree?
Tomorrow's preview ..Romance novels will sink the planet....
Friday, March 05, 2004
I'm going to resurrect some of my old writing rants for a couple of weeks. So here enjoy the first one.
Hello are you ready for a thought of the DAY?!
Most guys have problems going to chick flicks, but I tell you now its for your own good...You probably heard at least one girl say "take notes", do you ever wonder why? Well its because for one reason or another the male in the story is doing a good job pleasing the female. One area which I believe needs the most attention is the kissing scene. I don't have much experience, but I can tell you I have completely lost my will to kiss because guys fail to live to my expectations. These expectations come from the numerous movies I have seen.
Movies have what I call the three second kiss (timing varies but it works for my point). This particular kiss refers especially to the first one, not people in movies that have a "history" together. Basically what I am getting at is that a first kiss should not last more that a minute, and it should not be some kind of peck you see 80 years olds doing. The movies have perfected a rather short lasted kiss that's gentle and slow at the same time, and it doesn't turn into porn tongue or scenes from third grade.
If that made no sense, let me clarify. From prior experiences I had two
disasters. Guy number one was like a product sold by hoover and guy number two acted like he was part of a hockey team. I never had my chance to experience what I had seen in movies my whole life. What happen to a kiss you
could reflect on? I wanted a soft kiss that meant something, and could
easily have been seen in public without blushing. Instead one kiss would be last an hour (I guess you could say it was more than one, but you really can't tell
anyway). I wished I could savor the moment and not the saliva.
I suppose I could have said something, but I thought I would hurt their feelings. Instead I hope that watching a few chick flicks would clue them in, well that didn't work. Instead I have grown to despise kissing, and hope maybe one person out there is actually paying attention to their movies. I mean jeez they don't call them chick flicks for nothing!
Tomorrow's preview....Your watch's reflection may be your own.....
Hello are you ready for a thought of the DAY?!
Most guys have problems going to chick flicks, but I tell you now its for your own good...You probably heard at least one girl say "take notes", do you ever wonder why? Well its because for one reason or another the male in the story is doing a good job pleasing the female. One area which I believe needs the most attention is the kissing scene. I don't have much experience, but I can tell you I have completely lost my will to kiss because guys fail to live to my expectations. These expectations come from the numerous movies I have seen.
Movies have what I call the three second kiss (timing varies but it works for my point). This particular kiss refers especially to the first one, not people in movies that have a "history" together. Basically what I am getting at is that a first kiss should not last more that a minute, and it should not be some kind of peck you see 80 years olds doing. The movies have perfected a rather short lasted kiss that's gentle and slow at the same time, and it doesn't turn into porn tongue or scenes from third grade.
If that made no sense, let me clarify. From prior experiences I had two
disasters. Guy number one was like a product sold by hoover and guy number two acted like he was part of a hockey team. I never had my chance to experience what I had seen in movies my whole life. What happen to a kiss you
could reflect on? I wanted a soft kiss that meant something, and could
easily have been seen in public without blushing. Instead one kiss would be last an hour (I guess you could say it was more than one, but you really can't tell
anyway). I wished I could savor the moment and not the saliva.
I suppose I could have said something, but I thought I would hurt their feelings. Instead I hope that watching a few chick flicks would clue them in, well that didn't work. Instead I have grown to despise kissing, and hope maybe one person out there is actually paying attention to their movies. I mean jeez they don't call them chick flicks for nothing!
Tomorrow's preview....Your watch's reflection may be your own.....
Monday, March 01, 2004
So, this is pretty cool. I won second place for my "Mix Tape" submission to Creative Commons Moving Image Contest.
http://creativecommons.org/getcontent/features/movingimagecontest
Which then got me posted on lawyer Lessig's Blog-
http://www.lessig.org/blog/archives/001760.shtml
And on slashdot-
http://slashdot.org/articles/04/03/01/0157254.shtml
So, now I am mostly certainly, officially, the biggest geek ever, but its totally, completely neato.
I'm still waiting to see if Jim's Big Ego posts something in their news section. That would further the neato factor on this whole endeavor.
http://creativecommons.org/getcontent/features/movingimagecontest
Which then got me posted on lawyer Lessig's Blog-
http://www.lessig.org/blog/archives/001760.shtml
And on slashdot-
http://slashdot.org/articles/04/03/01/0157254.shtml
So, now I am mostly certainly, officially, the biggest geek ever, but its totally, completely neato.
I'm still waiting to see if Jim's Big Ego posts something in their news section. That would further the neato factor on this whole endeavor.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
So, I feel the pressure starting to build. Into my third week of classes and my new job and the medication works less and less. Anything that takes longer than 2 hours drains me. And again I feel filled with responsibilty and pressure to not let others down. What bothers me more is how much I alienate my friends to the point I don't feel I have people to talk to especially not in person. I certainly don't have a boyfriend, though I've had many offers I feel like such a basket case that I don't try hard to achieve a relationship. The desire is there but the energy is not. THe energy is never there. I miss people, but I am ashamed to be me and can't subject my friends to all these quirks I've developed in the course of a year. For whatever reason I care too much and inturn I shut them out. I am a mess, help me.
